


A Devil in the Alchemy

by JenniferDumpedMe



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drug Addiction, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-03 08:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15814806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferDumpedMe/pseuds/JenniferDumpedMe
Summary: You had dated Leo Manfred for several years before finally giving up and leaving him. You'd always care about him, but you couldn't stand watching him destroy himself and hurting you in the process. Unfortunately, you'd always have a soft spot for him, leaving you vulnerable to further heartbreak.Leo is still madly in love with you, and he's desperate to get you back.[Title inspiration: "Is There Anybody Here?" - The Dear Hunter]





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes your love for Halloween would come back to bite you in the ass. You had spent the day at an innocent, totally not scary pumpkin festival with your friends. When you came home, you prepared yourself for dozens of trick-or-treaters, filling up an appropriately decorated bowl with candy and flicking on your lights to let your neighborhood know that you were ready for trick-or-treaters. However, you received a very disappointing lack of visitors, leaving you with a ton of leftover candy. As the night dwindled, you eyed the large bowl and let out a defeated sigh. You popped piece after piece of candy into your mouth as you watched your favorite Halloween movies - most of which were horror flicks - and eventually drifted off to sleep on your couch.  
  
You were awakened from your sugar-induced coma by the manic screams of a woman. You sat up quickly, your heart racing as you tried to locate the source of distress. Once you realized the noise was coming from your television, you laughed at yourself and tried to brush it off. However, as you started to get ready for bed, you couldn't shake the feeling of paranoia from creeping up into your chest. You had to check your doors and windows several times, making sure they were locked to prevent any potential throat-slashing individuals from breaking in and brutally murdering you. You knew you were being irrational, but you couldn't stop yourself.  
  
You wrapped your blanket tightly around yourself once you crawled into bed, chiding yourself for entertaining your childhood fear of the dark and momentarily believing that there could be monsters under your bed. You were completely aware that you, a fully grown adult woman with a stable job and responsibilities, were thinking like a child.  
  
Unable to bear the darkness and silence of your bedroom, you groaned and slid out of bed. You shuffled back into the living room, needing the illusion of company to help calm you down. You turned on the tv for background noise as you slumped over on the couch and flipped through the channels. You eventually landed on a kids' channel that was still playing lighthearted Halloween movies. You threw a blanket over yourself as you felt your heartrate slowing and your eyelids growing heavy, finally relaxing as the innocence of children's entertainment convinced you that you were going to be fine.  
  
Sleepiness was swiftly replaced by irrationality and panic as you heard something outside your door. You froze, keeping perfectly still as you tried to decipher what the noise was. Was that knocking that you heard, or was it an ominous threat of violence from a serial killer that you had just made up? You quietly sprinted to your kitchen and grabbed your keys from the counter, tightly gripping the pepper spray on your key chain as you approached your front door. You backed up against the wall, mentally praying for the visitor to leave.  
  
Your eyes grew wide with panic as you heard something being carefully shoved into your lock, noticing how quickly your deadbolt had flipped to its unlocked position as your door slowly opened. Without thinking, you put your fingers into position on your pepper spray, milliseconds away from pushing the trigger down. You could've sworn you had never felt your heart beating so rapidly before as adrenaline took over, your "fight or flight" instincts kicking in. You were prepared to attack... until you saw the face of your intruder.  
  
Leo Manfred, a ghost from your past, was standing at your door, a lock pick in hand. He flinched as he noticed the pepper spray aimed at his face, his panicked voice crying out, "It's me, Y/N! It's me! It's okay!"  
  
You shoved him harshly, tears streaming down your face as you came down from your adrenaline rush. "God _fucking_ damn it, Leo!" you shouted at him as he cowered in fear. "What the _fuck_ are you doing breaking into my fucking house?!"  
  
"Please, Y/N..." his meek, trembling voice replied. "I... I didn't know where else to go, okay?"  
  
You observed how badly his entire body was shaking as though he had been locked in a freezer for hours. His knuckles were raw and bleeding, and there was a small cut under one of his baggy, red eyes. His cheeks were stained with tears as fresh ones welled up in his eyes. He was sniffling as he gave you a frightened look, practically begging you to show him some mercy.  
  
You had met Leo in a creative writing class in college. The two of you had been randomly assigned as partners, forcing you to read, edit, and critique each other's work. Your first impression of Leo was that he was a rich stoner kid who didn't believe he had to try hard. He was going to college on his daddy's dime, so he'd be alright even if he failed out of every single class.  
  
Everybody knew who Leo was. He was the son of Carl Manfred, an incredibly famous and well-respected artist. To be more accurate, Leo was the product of a brief yet steamy affair with a fan of Carl's. The scandal had been the subject of news and tabloids for weeks, and it would occasionally resurface every few years whenever Carl had some legal troubles.  
  
While you had scowled when you saw that you had been paired up with the lazy pothead, Leo felt a mixture of happiness and anxiety. He had been hiding a crush on you for a few weeks, but he never expected it to go anywhere. Crushes came and went frequently for Leo, as he rarely allowed himself to get too close to anyone, but something about you seemed different. Maybe it was your shy smile whenever you correctly answered a question in class. Maybe it was the blush that crept up on your cheeks whenever someone complimented you. Maybe it was how sweet and supportive you seemed whenever someone was reading their personal work in front of the whole class. Whatever it was, he couldn't ignore his intense, burning crush on you.  
  
As the two of you worked together throughout the semester, you saw that Leo was actually trying very hard in all of his classes. You were totally right about him being a stoner, though, as you'd always smell the lingering scent of weed whenever you came to his apartment to work on stuff together. He always tried to cover up the smell by opening the windows and spraying heavily perfumed air freshener around, but the bong hastily shoved in a corner only further implicated him. You didn't really mind, though.  
  
Leo held back with his writing at first, afraid of being too honest and vulnerable with you, but as you spent more time together, he began to feel more comfortable with you. He slowly began to open up, and you saw that you had been completely wrong about Leo. He wasn't a lazy rich kid who expected everyone to give him whatever he wanted; he was a scared, insecure person with low self esteem and abandonment issues.  
  
He eventually told you about how he never knew his father growing up and that Carl had only ever given him and his mother money to keep them off his back. All he wanted as a kid was to have the perfect family and his father's love, but as he got older, he realized that it wasn't going to happen. He didn't meet his father until he was sixteen, and by then, the damage had been done; Leo was a hardened, bitter loner who refused to let anyone in due to the fear of further hurt, disappointment, and abandonment.  
  
Before you knew it, you had fallen for your classmate. You made the first move by writing a short poem about him which more or less declared that you had developed a crush on him. He responded with his own poem, stating that he had liked you for a while but was too nervous to do anything about it. Your cryptic flirting continued until the end of the semester. Before leaving campus for winter break, Leo had visited you and confessed how much he truly liked you, which led to the two of you sharing a night of passion on the floor of your dorm room.  
  
At first, the relationship was incredibly pure and romantic. However, things became much more complicated once his mother passed away. He dropped out of school and shut you out. You tried to comfort him, but he didn't seem to want your help or your pity. So, you left him alone. He came crawling back to you after a few weeks and apologized for his behavior. At the time, you were extremely empathetic and supportive, so you forgave him.  
  
It didn't take long for you to find out that he had transitioned from weed to something much more potent and addictive - red ice. You turned a blind eye at first, rationalizing that this was his way of coping with the loss of his mother, one of the very few people who actually cared about Leo. He was hurting and needed some kind of escape, and as much as you had hoped that you'd be enough for him, you decided to let him have this.  
  
You couldn't ignore it any longer, though, once it became clear that the drug was his new priority. You broke up with him after he had stood you up for cousin's wedding. You came home to find him passed out on the couch, high as a kite.  
  
Unfortunately, you had developed a soft spot for Leo which never faded, so you always ended up taking him back. He'd say he'd stop doing drugs, which you both knew was a lie, but you'd decide to be an idiot and pretend to believe him. You always tried to convince yourself that he would change, but he never did. You hadn't learned your lesson until earlier in the year when you caught him texting a female red ice dealer, shamelessly flirting with her so he could get a good deal. You kicked him out of your home and vowed that you'd never, _ever_ see him again.  
  
And yet, here you were, taking pity on him once again as he trembled before you, reeking of booze and red ice. You let out a defeated sigh as you gingerly took his hands and led him to the couch, pushing aside your hatred to help him out. You wordlessly sat him down before grabbing a first aid kit from your bathroom. You quietly inspected his wounds and treated them with rubbing alcohol, causing him to wince and yelp from the burning sensation. You wrapped bandages around the deeper cuts on his knuckles, each tiny whimper from him feeling like a needle in your heart.  
  
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" you finally asked, keeping your eyes on his shaking hands.  
  
Leo sniffled, his eyes dropping before meekly answering you. "I... I was at a Halloween party, y'know, a-and we w-were doing some red ice... I think it was laced with s-something else, though, b-because I got into a fight and I-I can't stop shaking," he slowly stammered out, tears threatening to spill over. "Please, Y/N, I'm so fucking scared right now," he sobbed out before resting his head on your shoulder.  
  
_Fuck. Whatever you do, DO NOT get roped into getting back together with him. You've heard every single excuse before; DO NOT FALL FOR IT._  
  
You huffed out a heavy breath as you looked at your ex-boyfriend. You had never seen him quite like this before; red ice alone had never caused such an awful reaction before. He'd get aggressive, sure, but the constant fidgeting and the fear in his eyes was new. He was probably telling you the truth. You actually felt sorry for him.  
  
You turned off the tv and held out your hands, offering to help him up. "Come on," you sighed. "You can sleep here tonight."  
  
He stared at your hands, uncertain whether or not he could trust this. You had left him behind so many times when he needed you before, so what was different this time? What would prevent you from hurting him again?  
  
Slowly, he placed his hands in yours, and he swore he was melting into the touch of a literal angel. He knew he was still deeply in love with you, a thought which was a small beacon of light during this awful high he was forced to ride out. Maybe you'd truly forgive him this time and take him back for good. Maybe he'd get the chance to show you the engagement ring he had been hiding for three years, as he had never possessed the courage to ask you to marry him. He knew you'd refuse in the past, but maybe things could be different now.  
  
You led Leo to your room, walking slowly to accommodate his uneven steps and uncertain glances thrown around your home. You sat him on your bed while you gathered up some of his old clothes he had left behind, desperately needing him to change if you were going to share a bed with him all night. You helped him remove his stinky clothes and put on an old t-shirt and sweatpants. You'd wash his clothes tomorrow.

For now, you'd have to settle for the lingering scent of alcohol and drugs in his hair as he curled up next to you in the fetal position, gently sobbing as relief washed over him. He felt safe as you wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close as your free hand occupied itself with playing with his hair. You gently massaged his scalp and hummed a soothing tune, lulling him to sleep. His heart felt light as a feather; yours was heavy and filled with dread.  
  
You cursed yourself for being too caring as you fell asleep once again, this time knowing that you had let a phantom into your bed. You just prayed that he wouldn't hurt you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when 1) I'm in a mood, 2) I can't sleep due to a raging thunderstorm, and 3) I get tired of the lack of empathy for Leo. He's a dick, but he has his reasons!


	2. Chapter 2

You were awakened by the sound of thunder crackling and a heavy rain pounding against your window. You sighed heavily, begging your mind to just tune the storm out and go back to sleep. The storm strengthened in a matter of seconds, though, as large drops of rain and hail attacked your home, making you feel like your house was dropped in a bucket of marbles and an aggressive child was shaking it about. You groaned, cursing Mother Nature for not letting you sleep in, and peeled open your eyes.   
  
As a flash of lightning momentarily brightened up your room, you were forced to deal with the cold reality that you had allowed your ex to sleep in your bed with you. As if that wasn't bad enough, your nightmare worsened as you saw him cuddled up closely, his head on your chest as he snored lightly. He looked so peaceful and innocent, a stark contrast to how you had seen him the night before.   
  
You hated how he made you feel so sorry for him. All he ever did was hurt you, caring more about his stupid red ice than he ever did about you. He had consciously made the decision to get fucked up, so he should've had to deal with the consequences of his bad trip alone. But, no, he just had to look so pathetic and sad when he tried to break in... God, you were spineless. You had sworn to never see him again, but it was clear that you had been lying to yourself.   
  
The only thing you could do was accept what had happened and try to figure out how to move forward. Surely, Leo couldn't expect this to mean anything, right? You were simply a nice person; too nice, in fact, to tell someone who had broken your heart on several occasions to fuck off and deal with his problems on his own. You were only showing him kindness by helping him out - it didn't mean you had forgiven him or wanted him back.   
  
You hadn't realized that you were running your fingers through his hair until he let out a contented sigh and stirred a little in his sleep. You really needed to stop doing this. He was definitely going to get the wrong idea... But he just looked too cute and happy. Surely, he wouldn't remember you doing this when he woke up, right?  
  
You couldn't help but keep your gaze on him as he slept. Half of your heart was swelling with adoration as you reminisced about the good times; the other half was burning with self hatred and rage as you remembered everything he had put you through. You were snapped out of your thoughts, though, when you noticed his arm. You gingerly turned it to get a better look, disappointment taking over as you noticed a series of semi-fresh cuts on his forearm.   
  
"Oh, god damn it, Leo," you whispered, more to yourself than to him. You felt tears welling up in your eyes, blurring your vision as a sob bubbled up in your chest.   
  
You felt devastated, angry, frustrated, and defeated. You wished he would fucking follow through with rehab like he had promised a thousand times, get off of that red ice bullshit, and get the fucking mental help he obviously fucking needed. But, no, he was hell-bent on destroying himself in front of you. And yet, you felt like you couldn't abandon him again... _God, you're about to get roped back into this relationship, aren't you? You're going to tell yourself that you can fix him this time, that he'll actually listen to you and change for the better._   
  
_Nope. Don't you fucking dare. You know it'll only lead to disappointment. As hard as it may be, you need him to leave. It's not your responsibility to take care of him._   
  
You shook your head, willing your negative thoughts to disappear as you carefully shimmied out from underneath Leo. You stealthily climbed out of bed, keeping your eyes on your ex to make sure you hadn't woken him up. He seemed undisturbed as he shifted onto his side, still snoring.  
  
You quietly opened your dresser and dug around for some of the clothes Leo had left behind when you kicked him out. You placed them on your nightstand for him to see when he decided to wake up. You grabbed some clothes of your own and snuck off to the bathroom to take a shower.   
  
Once you were done, you quickly got dressed and threw your hair up into a lazy ponytail. You threw Leo's old clothes into your washing machine, crinkling your nose in disgust as the horrendous odor wafted up to your nostrils. You quickly replaced it with the pleasant smell of coffee, sipping out of your mug as you sat on the couch and quietly watched an episode of your favorite show. You feared that this would be your only moment of peace for the day, so you had to make it count.   
  
~~~  
  
Leo was thoroughly confused when he woke up. He panicked when he realized that he wasn't in his apartment, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he recognized the scent of these pillows and the color of the walls...   
  
Oh. Oh no. He was at your house. God, how fucked up did he get last night? Moreover, why the hell did you let him in? You had basically threatened to pull out every single one of his teeth with a rusty pair of pliers if he came near you ever again.   
  
Scenes from the previous night slowly resurfaced, everything making sense. He had smoked a bad batch of red ice at a party, which reacted poorly to the copious amounts of alcohol he had been drinking. He had a bad trip, and everything felt absolutely terrifying. In a moment of paranoia, he got into a fight and hurt himself. Scared and alone, he went to the only person left that had ever shown him true love and compassion: you.   
  
You must have felt sorry for him, otherwise you would've told him to go to hell. Wait - did you let him in, or did he try to break in? No, he remembered using his lock pick and you nearly shooting him with your pepper spray. God, that would've been the cherry on top of an awful night.   
  
He smiled to himself as he remembered falling asleep next to you. It felt like the good old days when the two of you were still dating... Jesus, he'd do nearly anything to have that back.

Well, no, actually - he had tried this before, but he was too weak. He had to choose between you and red ice, and, unfortunately, the drug always won. It's not that he wasn't crazy about you and didn't take the relationship seriously. Truly, you were the light of his life and he was lost without you. However, he was addicted to red ice. He literally could not function without it. It had taken over his life, and he hated it. He knew he wasn't strong enough to stop, though.   
  
He grabbed his phone off of the nightstand, which you had generously plugged in for him, and checked the time. It was already 1:00. God, you must have been pissed that he hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. He sat up and took the clothes you had left out for him, carrying them as he cautiously stepped into your living room. He waited a moment before speaking, simply observing your beautiful face as you intently watched an episode of a show he knew you had seen at least a million times. He loved how invested you looked, even though you knew what was going to happen next. _You really fucked up, Leo. You lost the best thing that had ever happened to you._   
  
"Uh, hey, Y/N," he meekly called out.  
  
You snapped your head up and looked at him. "Well, look who decided to wake up," you teased with a halfhearted smile.   
  
Leo looked down at his feet, avoiding your gaze as he felt himself blush with guilt. "Is... Is it okay if I use your shower?"  
  
You nodded. "Go ahead."  
  
He bit his cheek and nodded before heading to the bathroom. As he showered, he couldn't stop thinking about how badly he wanted you back. Granted, he thought about this every single moment of every single day, but it was different now - he actually thought he had a chance of winning you over. You had pitied him enough to let him ride out his awful high and crash at your place, right? Maybe you'd keep feeling bad for him and hear him out for five minutes.   
  
Once he came out of the bathroom, you turned to him, nervously chewing on your cheek before speaking. You didn't want to do this, but you felt like you had to. Curse your innate need to take care of others. "Hey, we should talk," you said with a grave tone.   
  
He dropped his head, knowing what was coming next. You were going to beg him to stop doing red ice, to go to rehab and get better... He loved you, he truly did, but didn't you realize that he was a lost cause?  
  
You knew better, though. You weren't about to waste your breath with useless pleas to better himself. You still felt obligated to check up on him, though. "Are you okay?" you asked when he joined you on the couch.   
  
He shrugged, still avoiding your eyes. "Yeah," he lied, not wanting to talk about last night. He knew it was a bad night, and discussing it with you wasn't going to make him feel any better.   
  
You hesitated before elaborating. "I see that you're hurting yourself again," you stated bluntly, gesturing towards his forearms.  
  
He quickly covered them up with a nearby blanket, ashamed of his fresh wounds. He was embarrassed that you had noticed, guilt taking over as he took a few deep breaths to keep himself from getting too upset. He opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say.   
  
"Look, you don't have to tell me why if you don't want to," you tried to reason with him. "Just... I'm here if you need to talk, alright? I still care about you, you know."  
  
He nodded solemnly, trying to think of how to explain himself. "I... I don't know, pumpkin... I've just been thinking too much."  
  
You ignored his old pet name for you as you pulled him in for a hug, tears welling up in his eyes. "You can stay here for a little while longer," you said gently, the rational part of your brain screaming at you for caring too much. "I won't throw you out into the rain."  
  
You lied back on the couch, bringing him down with you before throwing a blanket over the two of you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your chest, doing his best not to cry. "I miss you," he sniffled. "I miss my mom."  
  
You ran your fingers through his hair again to comfort him. You exhaled deeply through your nose. "I know, Leo."   
  
"I fucked up with you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I'm really sorry, pumpkin," he murmured against your chest.  
  
You shushed him and wrapped your arms around him tightly, squeezing gently. You couldn't really accept his apology, but you appreciated it. He didn't often own up to his mistakes, but you knew he truly regretted his actions when he did.   
  
Leo wasn't sure how to make it up to you. He wanted to express his gratitude, to show you how sorry he really was... 

Before you could fully process what was happening, Leo's lips were on yours. You felt the neediness behind the kiss, and, in a moment of vulnerability, you found yourself reciprocating the action. 

_Shit. Fuck. Are you falling for him again, or do you just feel bad?_


	3. Chapter 3

_You shouldn't be doing this. You really, really shouldn't be doing this. You need to stop this before... Oh, oh, god, fuck... Oh, it's too late, isn't it? You're in too deep now. You might as well finish._   
  
Your thoughts were far too loud as they buzzed around your mind. You knew that what you were doing was wrong, and you knew you'd have to deal with the consequences as soon as you were finished, but, _fuck_ , this felt too good.   
  
When Leo had kissed you earlier, you broke it off. He was sad and confused, as he had hoped that you would immediately forgive him and take him back. You told him that it was better if you didn't reignite things, but that you were willing to comfort him. Still deflated by your response, Leo drifted off to sleep on your chest, the sensation of your fingers ruffling through his hair soothing him. You eventually nodded off as well, as Leo's rhythmic snoring was almost like a lullaby to you.   
  
When you woke up, you shuffled out from underneath Leo to make dinner. He woke up soon after, and now that he felt renewed by his nap, he decided to take a chance. He approached you slowly as you stirred the food on the stove. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and planted a few soft kisses on your neck. "Leo, no," you told him sternly as you shrugged him off.   
  
He listened to you, but he wasn't discouraged. He was determined to get you back. After dinner, he helped you wash the dishes, trying to prove that he could be a helpful and devoted significant other. You eyed him suspiciously, knowing exactly what he was doing. You didn't trust it, though. Shouldn't he be rushing off to get high somewhere? Still, you didn't feel like kicking him out. He was safe as long as he was with you.   
  
The two of you returned to the couch to watch a movie, but Leo's attention was elsewhere. He began assaulting your neck with kisses. The action caught you off guard, a shocked gasp escaping your mouth as you closed your eyes. "We shouldn't," you murmured as he snuck his hand down your leggings, his skilled fingers finding your clothed clit.  
  
"Please, let me make it up to you, pumpkin," he cooed. "You know I can make you feel better."  
  
You struggled to keep your composure as he rubbed your most sensitive area and the familiar rush of warmth and arousal washed over you. "Leo, _no,_ " you sighed, your hips involuntarily bucking as his free hand groped your breast. "Fuck," you breathed out, your resistance waning as he dipped his fingers under your panties. "No" had quickly turned into "yes" and "don't stop."  
  
This was what led you to your current position in your bedroom. You were riding Leo hard with your hands braced against his bare chest and your eyes snapped shut as you mentally scolded yourself for giving in to your carnal desires.   
  
Leo was loving every moment of this. He didn't believe that you'd actually let him get this far, but he was definitely not going to complain. He dreamt about this daily, and while he had always pictured you looking a bit more enthusiastic and not so self-loathing, he couldn't help but stare up at you lovingly. You were so beautiful as you bounced yourself on top of him, moaning softly as you took every last inch of him, trying to get him just where you needed him. He loved the feeling of your walls fluttering around him as you were lost in thought, too focused on chasing your own high. Leo wasn't a religious man, but he was positive that this was heaven.   
  
You started to pick up the pace, fucking him harder as his tip grazed your sweet spot. As soon as you did this, Leo felt himself coming undone. He grabbed your hips, angling you just right so he could hit you deeper. You cried out in pleasure, your walls tightening around him as the knot in your stomach came undone.   
  
Oh, god, you looked like an angel when you came. You always looked so blissful as your face contorted in pleasure, your hips losing their rhythm as you rode out your orgasm, your back sharply arched and your head thrown back in ecstasy.   
  
"I love y-" Leo started say, unable to resist the urge to say those three words as he watched you climax. You cut him off, though, by clamping your hand over his mouth. You couldn't hear this. You didn't want to. It only proved to fuel your shame.   
  
Leo wasn't about to finish without professing his love for you, however. He surprised you by switching positions, throwing you onto your back as he thrust into you even deeper. He pinned your arms above your head, preventing you from keeping him quiet. "I love you so fucking much, pumpkin," he purred into your ear as you moaned loudly. "Please, please take me back. I'll do anything you want, pumpkin... Oh, oh, _fuck_ ," he grunted as he felt his cock twitch. He held off his orgasm until he finished saying what he needed to say. "I'll go to rehab and get better. I promise. Just, _please_ , pumpkin, please... _Fuck_ , I love you, Y/N... Please... Fuckfuckfuck," he hissed, his hips stuttering as he released himself deep inside of you.   
  
You gasped as he came, the feeling triggering a second orgasm. Or was this still your first orgasm? You didn't even have time to come down from your first one, so maybe this was just one long orgasm that was just intensified? In any case, you felt truly disgusted with yourself, grimacing as you and Leo came down from your respective highs.

You were a terrible, awful person. You had taken advantage of Leo when he was feeling vulnerable and believed that you were actually going to get back together. You had no intention of doing so, but you had sex with him anyway. You were a selfish bitch.   
  
Leo let out a satisfied sigh as he pulled out and collapsed next to you. He placed delicate kisses on your neck and face as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you so close that you were convinced you were suffocating.   
  
"I love you," he murmured again, unconcerned with your lack of response. You had allowed him to be intimate with you, after all. This was a good sign, right?  
  
You remained frozen and silent as he fell asleep, still holding you tightly. What the hell were you going to do?


	4. Chapter 4

You were certain that you could not hate yourself any more. You had seen Leo for the past two days, inviting him to your place after work. Part of you believed that you were helping him cope with his issues, but the other part of you knew that you were using him. Yes, you cared about him and wanted to help him get better, but you had been down this road dozens of times, and it always ended the same. You only wanted Leo for your own selfish reasons. He satisfied your desire to take care of someone, and he took care of your rather neglected intimate needs.  
  
You felt like a piece of garbage whenever he asked you if you were getting back together. You always dodged the question, either by pretending to be asleep or insisting that you had to be to work early and that you could talk about it later. The topic didn't come back around until after the deed was done, and by then you convince Leo that his lovemaking was so incredible and intense that you just had to fall asleep.  
  
Leo, though, knew that you were tiptoeing around the subject. He was well aware that you were lying about needing to go to work early and that your snoring was fake. As someone who lied often, he recognized the signs. He didn't mind too much, though, as he'd run home to get high while you were gone.  While he was certain that he was wearing you down, he still feared that you'd turn him down. He still had red ice, though - that would always be there for him.  
  
Besides, he was playing his own game with you. He hadn't technically lied about anything, but he definitely played up the "pathetic, lonely boy" act to gain your sympathy. The fresh cuts on his wrist were very real and created during an actual moment of despair and weakness, and he was truly going through a bad trip on Halloween. However, since the morning after you fucked him for the first time in months, he was determined to convince you to take him back, and he was willing to do the easiest thing he could think of: guilt you into it.  
  
Leo knew you. He knew that you liked trying to fix broken people, much like himself, and that you were a very sweet, caring person. You wouldn't even dream of turning him down, especially not in his condition. What kind of evil monster would turn away the insecure boy who's been cutting himself nearly every day for the past month? Not you. It was only a matter of time until he was yours again.  
  
He desperately missed being with you. You provided him with some kind of stability, security, and self worth. You had always seen the best in him when no one else would even give him the time of day. He knew he was bound to fuck it up again, but he was okay with repeating this tragic cycle until he died. It was worth every moment he could spend with you, no matter how sparse or brief.  
  
You couldn't stop thinking about Leo while you were at work. You were at war with yourself as you tried to figure out what to do. Did you love him? Yes, and you always would. Did you want to get back together with him? God, if only the answer was easy.  
  
Miraculously, your decision became a little easier as you heard your phone vibrating uncontrollably while you were at work. You fumbled as you tried to quickly silence it, praying that no one would bring too much attention to it. As you glanced at your screen, though, you noticed an abundance of text messages from family and friends.  
  
_Are you and Leo back together?_  
  
_Leo just told me the news! Congrats!_  
  
_Seriously??? Again with Leo Manfred??? Are you an idiot???_  
  
_Someone told me you're back with Leo... I'm very disappointed in you..._  
  
_So you and Leo are... you know... ;) ... right?_  
  
The messages made you dizzy as you read them. Each message that you read was replaced by a new one, either congratulating you or scolding you. You sure as hell didn't tell anyone that you were hooking up with Leo, as you were way too ashamed to admit that to anyone. So, either someone had been spying on you, or your ex was spreading false information.  
  
Really? He's just going to make that decision without talking to you about it?  
  
~~~  
  
You didn't bother to call Leo before showing up to his apartment. Normally, you'd text him to meet you at your house, but you didn't want him in your space anymore. He'd make a scene and refuse to leave. Here, you had more power. You knocked on his door hard, bruising your knuckles in the process.  
  
Normally, Leo would be happy to see you, but this was awful timing. He was extremely high and was just about to break open another baggie of red ice when you showed up. He thought you were his dealer bringing him a fresh supply, but his face dropped when he saw that it was you. God, he hadn't seen you so mad since you dumped him. This wasn't going to be good.  
  
"Why are you telling people that we're back together?" you hissed as you pushed past him to get into his apartment, the odor of red ice hanging in the air. You laughed weakly and shook your head. "Oh, and look at that! You're fucking high on that shit again!" you cried out, seeing the drugs on his table. "So much for fucking rehab, hmm? God, you're so full of shit, Leo!"  
  
Leo's mouth hung open as he tried to think of what to say. "I..." he hesitated, taking a step forward and placing a hand on your arm. "Pumpkin, look, I-"  
  
You violently tore your arm away from him with an offended gasp. "I'm not your 'pumpkin,' Leo!" you shouted at him as angry tears welled up in your eyes.  
  
"Please, Y/N, just... I've been over every day, and... I... thought you wanted me back," he slowly explained, stumbling on his words. Come on. This _had_ to work.  
  
You shoved your phone in Leo's face, forcing him to look at the text messages you'd been receiving. "So you just told everyone that we're together again? We didn't even talk about it!"  
  
"Because you fucking avoid the question!" he shouted back, throwing his hands up. He felt tears of his own forming, but he held them back. "Why won't you give me a straight fucking answer, huh?! Are you fucking taking me back or not?!" he angrily snapped at you.  
  
"It was fucking pity sex, Leo!" you blurted out, instantly regretting your words when you saw the genuine hurt on his face.  
  
His tears spilled over, freely flowing down his cheeks. "Pity sex? You only fucked me because, what? You feel fucking sorry for me? If you feel so bad, why won't you take me back?" he sobbed, staring at you in disbelief. Clearly, he hadn't anticipated this. Maybe you were a monster after all.  
  
Just when you thought it was impossible to hate yourself more, you discovered that you hadn't reached your full potential of self-loathing. This was a new low for you. You covered your face with your hands and took a deep breath to give yourself a moment of clarity. "Leo, look," you started in a soft tone of voice, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slept with you, okay? It was a mistake, and-"  
  
"So you're fucking dumping me?" he coldly interrupted, bitter tears still streaming down his face. He stepped forward and roughly grabbed your arms, shaking you slightly. "God damn it, Y/N! I love you! Why are you being such a bitch?!"  
  
"Because you never keep your fucking promises!" you screamed back at him. "You said you'd stop doing drugs and go to fucking rehab, but you're high as a fucking kite right now! Nothing ever changes with you!"  
  
"Oh, Jesus _fucking_ Christ," he spat, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Why can't you just accept me for me, hmm? Why the fuck do you care what I put into my body?"  
  
"Because it's not good for you, Leo!" you shouted defensively, hot tears rolling down your cheeks. "You can barely go a day without the shit! Doesn't that bother you?!"  
  
His lip began to quiver as his red eyes looked into yours, the pain behind them piercing your soul. "I-I need you to help me, pumpkin," he begged in a quiet voice.  
  
You brought your hand up to his cheek, caressing him gently. "I've tried so many times, but you don't let anyone help you. I'm sorry, Leo, but I can't do this anymore," you told him, your voice trembling.  
  
Leo bit his lip, searching his brain for any other plans to get you to stay. Based on the look on your face, there was nothing he could do to change your mind. You had officially given up on him for good. He fucked up. He really, really fucked up.  
  
This realization made him angry, and without actually thinking, he harshly shoved you away, using enough force to make your back hit the wall. "Get the fuck out of my apartment," he grumbled, turning away so he wouldn't have to see your face anymore. You betrayed him when he needed you the most. You weren't as sweet or forgiving as he thought you were.  
  
You reached out to touch him, but were only met with a cold shoulder. You sighed, muttering a pathetic goodbye before walking out his door. You tried to ignore the bile creeping up your throat as you drove home, unable to stop worrying about Leo. You didn't want him back, and now he was on his own. He could manage... right?


	5. Chapter 5

You did the right thing by leaving Leo. You were certain of it. Yeah, you fucked up by sleeping with him, but you were smart enough to not be guilted into getting back together with him. It was definitely better to leave... So why did you feel so bad? Why did you have this sinking feeling in your heart? Why did you feel like you were slowly being drowned, your lungs filling up with heavy water as you struggled to breathe?  
  
The constant string of texts from Leo did nothing to alleviate the pain in your chest. He would switch between being furious, to being sorry, to being depressed, and then back to furious. He repeated this cycle for hours, hell bent on manipulating you to come back to him. Had he been sober, he might had done a better job of convincing you to reconsider. However, the red ice made him irrational and full of rage, making you more confident in your initial decision to end things once again.  
  
You turned off your phone after a while, unable to read another message from your ex. You'd have to deal with it in the morning. You tried to relax before going to bed, but your mind kept wandering to Leo. Was he going to be okay? Maybe you should've given him another chance - after all, you used him, too.  
  
No, you did the right thing. You need to leave him alone and actually move on this time.  
  
Although, he did say that he loved you... You still love him, too, and you know it. You're never going to stop loving him.  
  
Fuck, he's probably going to cut himself tonight. He probably did it the minute you left. You should've stayed and talked to him. Why did you let him make you leave so easily? Why didn't you fight back? How are you going to feel when he ends up dead?  
  
It's not fair to you, though, when he hurts himself because of something you did. You shouldn't be forced to stay with someone who constantly lets you down just because you're worried about what he'll do to himself. That's beyond your control. He's only doing it to guilt you into staying. That's it.  
  
Your thoughts kept cycling through your mind as you tried to go to sleep. You buried your face in your pillow, quietly screaming as your tears soaked your pillow.  
  
Why the fuck did you let him spend the night on Halloween? You should've told him to go home. You shouldn't have fallen for his fucking routine again. You shouldn't have felt sorry for him. You shouldn't have given in to those sad, pained eyes. You shouldn't have let him touch you. You shouldn't have fucked him that night, and you definitely shouldn't have fucked him for the next couple of days after that. Why were you such an idiot?!  
  
You continued to curse yourself as you tried to fall asleep, tears still rolling down your cheeks. Sleep didn't come easily, though, as you were too occupied with hating yourself and Leo. It didn't help that your pillow was uncomfortably moist, the fabric of your pillowcase sticking to your face and hair.  
  
When you did finally manage to fall asleep, it didn't last long. Leo dominated your dreams, preventing you from having a peaceful sleep. Images of him dying haunted your subconscious, forcing you awake so you wouldn't have to see it anymore. It was a long night.  
  
You didn't feel much better the next day. You woke up to a completely full inbox of text messages and voicemails from Leo. You scrolled through the written messages, which became more frantic and apologetic the later they came in. The voicemails were nearly incomprehensible; he murmured and rambled about how much he missed you. He begged you to come back and let him make it up to you. His voice faltered often, and he would take long pauses to cry and sniffle. God, if you didn't feel bad before, you certainly did now.  
  
Leo was definitely suffering without you. He regretted blowing up your phone so much, but he didn't know what else to do. He had no one else in his life who actually gave a shit about him, and the realization that you were through with him absolutely crushed him. He coped with it by smoking the rest of his red ice - probably too much all at once - and cut himself. He never cut himself too deeply, but, _fuck_ , he was tempted to after you left. What the fuck was he going to do without you? You were one of his only reasons for living. Without you, what was the point?  
  
He showed self-restraint, though, convincing himself that it wasn't over. No, he could sober up and call you. He'd be much more level-headed once the drugs were out of his system. He could convince you to come back. He didn't care that you had sex with him just because you felt sorry for him; he just knew that he wanted to be around you forever. He didn't need you to be in love with him (although, that would be ideal). He just needed you in his life. Was that too much to ask for?  
  
Leo had blacked out for most of the night. By morning, he had little to no recollection of what he had sent you. Scrolling through the texts made him cringe. How could he say such vulgar, disgusting things to you? How was he going to get his pumpkin back by calling you awful names and telling you that it was your fault if he died? He didn't mean it. He absolutely didn't mean a thing he said in those texts. The only honest thing he sent you was that he loved and missed you.  
  
His eyes lit up when his phone buzzed, indicating that he had a new text. His heart started to beat faster when he saw your name on his screen. Oh, please, god, let this be good.  Please, please, please.  
  
_Leo, you need to leave me alone for a while, okay?_  
  
Words couldn't even begin to describe how deflated he felt when he read it. Why couldn't you see how much he needed you? Why were you abandoning him? Didn't you know that you were all he had left? What was he supposed to do? Go to his piece of shit dad and try to build a relationship with him? God, he'd rather die than connect with that assole. He'd never, ever truly love or care about Leo. However, he was good for money... And he could use some extra cash to buy some more red ice... He'd need the distraction, after all, while you thought things over.  
  
~~~  
  
You had a bad feeling in your gut when Leo suddenly stopped texting you. The feeling was intensified when you recieved a text message from Carl Manfred, asking you if you had seen Leo lately. You weren't a fan of Carl after Leo had described their non-existent relationship for the first sixteen years of his life. No wonder why Leo acted the way he did. You'd certainly have issues if your father was famous and had a one-night stand with your mother and then wanted nothing to do with you until you were practically fully grown. You were never cold towards Carl, though. You believed that he genuinely felt awful about his relationship with Leo and that he'd take it all back if he could.  
  
You gave Carl the short version of events, leaving out the part about the two of you hooking up. You told him about Halloween, how Leo wanted you back, and about the drugs. You confessed that you had fought last night while he was high and that Leo was upset that things were over between the two of you.  
  
Carl then told you that Leo had just visited him to ask for money. He explained that Leo seemed somewhat distressed and extremely irritable, and that he pushed his android, Markus, around. He was hoping that you could shed some light on his son's behavior, and talking to you allowed Carl to put piece things together.  
  
You sighed loudly, somehow feeling more disappointed in Leo. Of course he was acting out and abusing Markus. He always hated the android, believing that he had stolen his place as Carl's son. It didn't shock you that he was hitting up Carl for money, either. Leo was not beneath using his dad for his drug addiction, which always bothered you. It wasn't right that he was taking advantage of Carl and guilting him into giving him money, but Leo felt that he was getting what he was owed.  
  
You sent a short apology to Carl, although you weren't entirely sure what you were apologizing for.  
  
Unfortunately, this was only your first exchange with Carl that day. Your second came late at night in the form of a phone call. You couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong when you saw his name pop up on your screen. Your heart was racing as you heard Carl's panicked voice crying that Leo was in the hospital.  
  
_Oh, no. No, no, no. This is my fault, isn't it?_


End file.
